Introduction: Rediscovering the lost flame

Sexual desire is a delicate dance, a complex alchemy influenced by our body, our mind, and our environment. It's not uncommon to feel that flame flicker, sometimes almost going out. Before assuming an insurmountable problem, have you ever considered that some of your daily habits might be the real culprits? Often, it's the little things, those rituals ingrained in our routine, that silently sabotage our libido.

Work stress, accumulated fatigue, dinner eaten in front of a screen... These seemingly insignificant things add up and create distance not only with our partner, but also with our own body and desires. The good news? One habit can replace another. By becoming aware of these everyday passion killers, you have the power to turn things around.

In this article, we'll delve into eight common habits that kill desire . More importantly, we'll provide you with concrete and compassionate strategies to dismantle them and, step by step, rekindle the passion you think you've lost.

Habit #1: Chronic stress, the silent enemy

Stress is probably the most formidable libido killer of our time. When you're in "fight or flight" mode, your body is flooded with cortisol, the stress hormone. Physiologically, your body prioritizes survival, not procreation or pleasure. The production of sex hormones like testosterone, essential for desire in both men and women, is then suppressed.

"Cortisol and sex hormones are made from the same precursors. In cases of chronic stress, the body prioritizes the production of cortisol, leaving little 'raw material' for testosterone and estrogen."

Beyond the body's chemistry, stress occupies our minds. Work worries, financial troubles, or family tensions leave little room for eroticism and connection. It's difficult to surrender to pleasure when our brains are working at full speed on an endless to-do list.

How to reverse the trend?

• Practice micro-relaxation: Incorporate short 5-minute breaks into your day to practice deep breathing, guided meditation, or simply listen to a soothing song.
• Set clear boundaries: Establish a cut-off time for checking work emails. Create a decompression zone between work and home (a short walk, a podcast...).
• Share your sources of stress: Talking to your partner about what's weighing you down can not only relieve your stress but also strengthen your intimacy. For more wellness tips, explore our blog .

Habit #2: Lack of sleep, exhaustion of desire

In our society, which values ​​productivity above all else, sleep is often the first thing to be sacrificed. Yet, poor quality or insufficient sleep is truly detrimental to libido. Physical and mental fatigue depletes the energy needed not only for the sexual act itself, but also for the desire that precedes it.

A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that an extra hour of sleep per night increased the likelihood of sexual activity the following day by 14%. Lack of sleep also disrupts hormone production, particularly testosterone, which peaks during REM sleep. Less sleep, therefore, means less fuel for your libido.

How to get restful sleep?

1. Create a sleep sanctuary: Your bedroom should be cool, dark, and quiet. Ban screens at least an hour before bedtime. The blue light they emit disrupts the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone.
2. Establish a bedtime ritual: Take a warm bath, read a few pages of a book, listen to soft music. Signal to your body that it's time to slow down.
3. Stick to a regular schedule: Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends, to regulate your biological clock.

Habit #3: An unbalanced diet, poor quality fuel

What you put on your plate has a direct impact on your energy, mood, and hormones. A diet high in refined sugars, saturated fats, and ultra-processed foods can lead to energy dips, inflammation, and hormonal imbalances that significantly affect libido.

Conversely, some foods are true allies of desire. Foods rich in zinc (oysters, pumpkin seeds) are essential for testosterone production. Those rich in L-arginine (nuts, seeds) promote blood circulation, a key element of sexual arousal. A healthy diet not only gives you the necessary energy but also improves your body image and self-confidence.

How can you better nourish your desire?

• Focus on whole foods: Favor fruits, vegetables, lean proteins and good fats (avocados, olive oil, oilseeds).
• Stay well hydrated: Dehydration can cause fatigue and headaches, which are hardly conducive to intimacy.
• Explore aphrodisiac flavors: While not miracle cures, ginger, dark chocolate, or chili peppers can stimulate the senses. Find inspiration on our recipe blog .

Habit #4: Sedentary lifestyle, when the body falls asleep

Spending your days sitting at a desk and your evenings slumped on the sofa is a recipe for killing desire. A lack of physical activity has numerous negative consequences: poor blood circulation (crucial for erections and clitoral stimulation), decreased energy, weight gain, and a diminished self-image. A body that doesn't move feels less alive, less sensual.

Even moderate exercise releases endorphins, the "feel-good hormones," which reduce stress and improve mood. It increases blood flow throughout the body, including to the genital area, and boosts self-confidence. Feeling strong and comfortable in your own skin is a powerful prerequisite for desire.

How to get your desire moving again?

• Start small: There's no need to run a marathon. A brisk 30-minute walk a day can already make a huge difference.
• Find an activity you enjoy: Dancing, yoga, swimming, hiking... If the activity is enjoyable, you will be more inclined to practice it regularly.
• Move together: Exercising with your partner can be a new form of intimacy and play.

Habit #5: Hyperconnectivity, the unwanted third partner

The smartphone has become an extension of our hand, and often, it even finds its way into the bedroom. "Phubbing" (ignoring your partner in favor of your phone) is a formidable destroyer of intimacy. How can you create an emotional and physical connection when your partner's gaze is captivated by a screen?

A study from Baylor University showed that 46% of respondents felt snubbed by their partner because of their phone, creating conflict and a decrease in relationship satisfaction.

This habit sends a clear message: what happens on this screen is more important than the person in front of me. This emotional disconnection creates fertile ground for the extinction of desire. In the evening, endless scrolling on social media keeps the brain in a state of alert, preventing the shift to a more relaxed and receptive state of mind for intimacy.

How to disconnect in order to better reconnect?

1. Make the bedroom a screen-free zone: This is the golden rule. Buy a traditional alarm clock and leave phones to charge in another room.
2. Establish "screen-free times": Decide together on times, such as dinner or the first hour after returning from work, when phones are put aside.
3. Replace scrolling with contact: Use the time saved to talk to each other, massage each other, read side by side, or simply hug each other.

Habit #6: Routine, the comfort that numbs

Same days, same times, same meals, same evenings watching TV... While routine may have a reassuring side, it's the sworn enemy of eroticism. Desire thrives on novelty, surprise, and a touch of mystery. When everything becomes predictable, including intimate moments, passion fades and gives way to a kind of obligation or mechanical habit.

The human brain is programmed to respond to novelty. A new restaurant, an unexpected conversation, a spontaneous gesture... all of these release dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to pleasure and motivation. Breaking the routine doesn't mean radically changing everything, but rather injecting small doses of the unexpected into daily life to keep the flame of curiosity and attraction alive.

How to break the monotony?

• Plan "dates": Block out an evening in your diaries as you would for a business meeting, and take turns organizing a surprise outing or activity.
• Change the little things: Take a different route home, try a new recipe, change your seat at the table. These micro-changes stimulate the brain.
• Be spontaneous: A passionate kiss in the middle of the kitchen, an unexpected compliment, a flirty message... Rekindle the spark. For ideas, our lifestyle blog can inspire you.

Habit #7: Excessive consumption of alcohol or other substances

A glass of wine to unwind? While alcohol may seem to lower inhibitions in the short term, regular or excessive consumption has devastating effects on sexual function and desire. In men, it can cause erectile dysfunction. In women, it can decrease lubrication and the ability to reach orgasm. Furthermore, alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, meaning it numbs sensations and reduces the body's responsiveness.

In the long term, excessive alcohol consumption can lead to hormonal imbalances and chronic fatigue, two factors that directly undermine libido. The same is true for other substances, which create an addiction to artificial pleasure and diminish the ability to find pleasure in genuine connection.

How to find a healthy balance?

• Moderate your consumption: Set clear limits for yourself and stick to them. Alternate each alcoholic drink with a glass of water.
• Find other relaxation rituals: Replace the usual evening glass of wine with a cup of herbal tea, a meditation session, or reading.
• Don't rely on substances for intimacy: True surrender comes from trust and communication, not from outside help.

Habit #8: Lack of communication and accumulated resentment

This is perhaps the most insidious habit because it is invisible. Sexual desire doesn't arise in a vacuum; it is the extension of an emotional connection. When communication breaks down, when frustrations are not expressed, and when resentments accumulate (about housework, raising children, lack of recognition...), a wall goes up between partners.

This emotional barrier makes the letting go necessary for intimacy virtually impossible. How can you desire someone you're secretly angry with or from whom you feel distant? Physical intimacy then becomes a performance or a chore rather than an expression of love and connection. Silence and unspoken words are the slowest and surest poison for a couple.

How can we restore dialogue?

1. Schedule time to talk: Establish a ritual, for example 15 minutes each evening, to talk about your day, your feelings, without distractions.
2. Use "I" statements: Express your feelings without accusing the other person. Say "I feel lonely when..." rather than "You never pay attention to me."
3. Learn to apologize and forgive: Don't let conflicts fester. Acknowledging your own mistakes and accepting those of others is essential to starting over on a healthy footing.

Conclusion: Take back control of your desire

Your desire hasn't disappeared. It's simply stifled by habits that, taken together, have erected barriers between you and your pleasure. From chronic stress and broken communication to lack of sleep and routine, each element we've explored is a door you can choose to close.

The key isn't to change everything overnight, but to start with just one habit. Choose the one that resonates most deeply with you and commit to changing it. Each small positive step will create momentum that will make subsequent changes easier. By taking care of your sleep, your body, and your emotional connection, you'll not only rekindle your libido, but you'll also improve your overall well-being. Desire is the barometer of your vitality. It's time to let it guide you again.

And you, which habit will you choose to change first?